100 Ways to Abuse Boba

1.   Drink all your milk tea and leave the boba. Then, use your straw to shoot boba at your classmates when the teacher isn’t looking.

2.   Go to Lollicup and ask the lady working there how much it would cost to fill an entire regular-sized cup with boba.

3.   Dump boba across your neighbor’s yard and tell him a rabbit pooped all over it.

4.   Go into a long, lengthy and confusing question and answer conversation with a lady at Lollicup about what boba is made out of.

5.   Find a person that doesn’t know what boba is and dump it into their coffee as a prank. Watch their reaction.

6.   On a quiet, sleepy Sunday afternoon, run to Lollicup and smash your body against the doors. Scream, “MUST…HAVE…BOBA!” Then run away before the security men arrive.

7.   Put boba in water bottles with drinking water and take it with you everywhere, flashing it around.

8.   Send an email called “100 Ways to Abuse Boba” as a chain letter. Tell them they will be attacked by the Boba-Monster at midnight if they do not pass it to 15 of their friends.

9.   Insist that the Boba-Monster is real.

10.   Make Anti-Abuse Boba Laws and vow to follow them with your friends. Then break all the laws a week later.

11.   Go to Lollicup with your friends. Drink your milk tea quickly. After doing this, shake the boba in the container and sing, “Bobalicious.”

12.   Advertise a boba-making machine on Ebay for $100. See how many people are willing to auction for it.

13.   Write a song about boba. Take a cab to Hollywood and randomly follow strangers while singing loudly.

14.   Tell your friend that you’ll buy “boba” for him. Go into the store alone and buy boba but dump all the milk tea out. Present it to him and say, “Ta-da! I got “boba” for you!”

15.   Stick boba in your nose and walk around.

16. Tell your friend that you’re going to puke. Stuff as much boba as possible in your mouth and “puke” in front of them.

17.   Buy boba for a little kid. After he drinks it, trick him into believing that boba was rabbit poop.

18. Abuse boba so much that it gets banned from the school by your principal.

19. Go to San Francisco. Make a sign that says, “WILL DRINK BOBA FOR MONEY.”

20. Go to a place that sells boba for a high price, ($5 or more) and make a big deal about the cost. Say something like “Aiiyah! Why so expensive?” in a Cantonese accent.

21. Drink Boba in a Starbucks cup. Then in a Jamba Juice cup. Drink it in all different sorts of cups and show off to your friends.

22. Find a group of friends that are as nutty as boba as you are. Right in front of them, finish all the milk tea and toss the boba out in a trash can.

23. Have a boba-drinking contest with your worst enemy. Gather a crowd around you. If you lose, kick your enemy in the stomach while he’s stumbling to a bathroom.

24. Attend a sleepover with friends. During the time when they’re ready to fall asleep, but haven’t yet, moan, “Boooba,” in a low and scary voice. When they ask you about it, say “Huh? No, I didn’t hear anything. I was just trying to sleep.” Then do it again until they hit you with a pillow.

25. Tell a scary story about the Boba-Monster to kids at a story time.

26. During show and tell, bring boba. Bring it every time for show and tell.  

27. Have a Regular Milk Tea versus Boba debate with your friend. When your friend becomes stubborn, say “Can Regular Milk Tea do this?” Then take the straw and shoot boba in her face.

28. Commit so many of these crimes that you get in trouble with the law for “social terrorism.” Relay that you got fined for abusing boba at family reunions and gatherings.

29. Tell your friends that Boba causes cancer. Spread the word around.

30. Tell your friends that Boba places everywhere are going out of business because of the economy. Create “Save the Boba” banners and wave them off with the Anti-Terrorism protestors at local squares.

31. Buy boba and sit with your friends. Drink boba one at a time. Each time you swallow a boba, make a funny noise like “Goolooboo!” and bounce on your chair.

32. Insist that you tell your friends about all 100 ways to abuse boba. Follow them and recite them loudly when they walks away and cover their ears.

33. Buy Starbucks Light Mocha Coffee from a store and pour it into a boba container. Put boba into it and tell your friend that it is boba milk tea. The reaction is funny, but not very satisfying because the friend will probably like the coffee as well.

34. Go to boba with your friends and drink the milk tea all at once. Get insanely hyper and start throwing boba everywhere.

35. Make your friends promise that they will go on a boba run with you. That day, wear sweatbands and athletic clothing, telling them that they agreed to go on a “run.” Bribe your friends, saying that you will pay for all the boba. Make sure the location is at least one mile away. Then, when you arrive there, tell them you left your wallet at home.

36. Introduce some friends to boba and tell them that it is called “Mama’s breasts.” (In some places, they are actually called that name.) Ask them to order “Mama’s breasts” the next time they visit Lollicup.

37. At Lollicup, suddenly roar and grab everyone’s boba and dump it in your mouth. Scream, “I AM THE BOBA-MONSTER!”

38. When someone sues you for inhumane treatment to boba, say “It’s not inhumane – it’s morbidly creative!” and flash a smile.

39. Find an overweight person and advertise boba to make them lose weight. (This is sad, because the opposite will happen.)

40. Advertise boba for everything – hair regrowth, vitamins, workout boost, cure-alls, et cetera.

41. Introduce some friends to boba and get them to pronounce it “Boo-bah.”

42. Go walk past a sports store. Laugh obnoxiously and proclaim, “Who needs basketballs when you got BOBA BALLS?” Emphasis on “balls.”

43. Take your straw and make a squeaky sound by sliding it between the container. When bystanders tell you to stop, shoot boba at them.

44. Invite your friends over to play darts. Instead throwing darts at a dart board, they will shoot boba at a target. Preferably a friend that arrives late.

45. Pour boba into someone’s fishbowl.

46. Plan a boba ambush hit-and-run on a neighbor. When they confront you about it later, refuse to tell them what it was you pelted at them to prolong the suspense.

47. Plan a “boba paintball” game with your friends. Winner gets served boba.

48. “Boba” someone’s house.

49. Have a long question and answer session with a Lollicup cashier on why “Boba” is called “Boba.”

50. Spill boba on slippery surfaces to see if it is more effective than banana peels.

51. Go to an alcoholic bar and sit between two scary-looking men with tattoos. Take out your boba and blow bubbles through it.

52. Take an open (lidless) container of boba with you while you play karaoke. When you make the grand finish, throw boba in the crowd.

53. Go to Lollicup and sing embarrassing love songs to your boba. “What is Love” by Haddaway is one that works well.

54. Use boba-shooting as your solution to any problem in life. Mean bosses, slow customers that rummage through their handbags for exact change, breaking up, loud people in movies and burglars. (Boba shooting is not proven effective against burglars.)

55. Challenge your worst enemy to a showdown. When he accepts, shoot boba at him.

56. Make a music video and wear a jacket that is tight at the bottom. Fill your jacket with boba. During a scene, rip off your jacket and let the boba fly. (It can also be done with pants, but that could make the video PG-13.)

57. In the future, when you are issued to give a speech, list numbers of 1 to 100 of 100 Ways to Abuse Boba, or at least until they cancel your promotion.

58. Instead of saying, “That’s what she said,” say, “That’s what boba said.”

59. At a sleepover, roll over your friend in the middle of the night and scream, “THE BOBA MONSTER’S GOT YOU!”

60. When you don’t get invited to anymore sleepovers, tell them that the curse of the boba-monster is on them.

61. Stick boba to windows to spell random words.

62. Get banned from Lollicup. Then, wear various disguises and continue your boba crimes.

63. Create a gigantic boba ball in your house. Use a canon to shoot it at your worst enemy.

64. Find the people who created “white boba” and call them racist.

65. Find a tapioca tree. Hug it and scream, “Papa!”

66. Giggle insanely whenever people refer boba as “tapioca balls” or “boba balls.”

67. Put boba as a topping for everything – hot dogs, spaghetti, ice cream, pizza, salads.

68. Go to a football game with a boba and take off the lid. Go over to the winning team and "dunk" the quarterback with boba. Run for your life.

69. Go into a hospital with a container of boba balls. Go around and tell people that they are miniature kidney stones.

70. Drop boba down the Grand Canyon and watch it fall.

71. Use boba as a swear word.

72. Say boba every other word in regular speech.

73. Go to a shrink and tell them about a relationship that you’re having. Say “I can’t get enough of him…I can’t live without him…He’s so sweet…I love him…” When the shrink asks you about “him,” tell him that it’s actually about boba.

74. Go on a "boba diet" and eat nothing but boba all day long. See how much weight you lose. (You won't.)

75. Assure all your friends that it was the boba-monster that killed the woman in the shower.

76. Make a warrant to the Worldwide Wildlife Fund to protect the boba-monster.

77. Request on your will that you will have 100 Ways to Abuse Boba 1-100 on your gravestone.

78. Call the police and tell them that the boba-monster is after you.

79. Stick a boba ball in your belly button. Describe to your friends how it feels like.

80. Create a geek manual on the “proper” way to drink boba. Point out everyone who does it wrong.

81. Buy boba milk tea from Lollicup. When you get it, pretend to be shocked and point at the boba. Say “What the heck are these?”

82. Go on the internet. Randomly enter chatrooms and post “Boba.” Then leave mysteriously.

83. Run into Starbucks at a time when there is no one at the counter. Look frantically at the menu and when the man asks you want you want, scream “WHERE’S THE BOBA?”

84. Find some Star War geeks. As them if Boba Fett is the boba-monster.

85. Invite friends of the opposite sex over to your house. Serve them boba. When they drink it, sing, “My boba brings all the boys to the yard…”

86. When the bell rings for lunch break, scream “BOBA TIME!” and take off.

87. Find a friend that calls boba “bubble tea.” Tell her that you will buy her bubble tea and put Bubble Magic into a boba cup with a Bubble Wand as the straw.

88. Order boba at lollicup. When they give you the container, stare at it and babble, asking them how they managed to put boba in a sealed container.

89. When people ask you about your religion, political stances, or values, simply reply, “Boba.”

90. Buy boba milk tea but save the boba. Leave it in its container for six months, then try it to see how it tastes.

91. When person asks you out, reject him or her by saying, “Sorry…but I love boba more,” and walk away.

92. Find some Pokemon fans and play Pokemon with them. On your turn, stand up and yell, “I choose you…Bobasaur!” Take shoot boba at them until them run away.

93. Apply for a job and fill out a résumé. Under occupation, write “boba terrorist.”

94. When the employer asks you what a “boba terrorist” is, shoot boba at her.

95. Remember, shooting boba is the answer to all of life’s strife.

96. Make boba-shooting an Olympic sport. Become the master.

97. When someone asks “What time is it?” scream “BOBA TIME!”

98. When you run out of boba to shoot, poke them with your straw.

99. Create another giant boba. This time, use it to reenact your Indiana Jones fantasies against your worst enemy.

100. Create more boba abuses to add to this list. See how many you can make!